HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT 101 - BREAKING INTO THE GAME

Whassup Fam B. Ramz here. It..s been a minute since I wrote a blog as a brothaz been going through a particularly rough year. But things finally seem to be looking up so I decided to get some pertinent information out there to all my peeps and peep-ete..s out there trying to navigate the choppy waters of Hollywood.

This Blog has been 10 years in the making and it..s gonna be rough as I..m gonna kick the ballistics TENX style as my patients with being polite is starting to wear thin.

When I first got into this business as a struggling would-be writer/director. I constantly encountered cats way up in the industry that would always blow me off with the ole.. That sounds very interesting send it to my assistant and we..ll check it out. And of course the assistant say..s we don..t read unsolicited material. I said to myself when I make it big in Hollywood, I..m not gonna be like that I..m gonna talk to everyone and give the cats struggling like I am a shot. And that..s just what I..ve tried to do.

Ten years later I am now starting to become that same cat I said I would never be as I am finding that the vast majority of cats and kittens out there struggling DON..T HAVE ANY FUCKING SKILL! But swear up and down that they are the next DENIRO, STREEP, MAMMET, OR SCORCESE. And it just gets fucking tedious after a while wallowing around in all that MEDIOCRITY!

So in esscence what all the fat cats I would run into were telling me in a polite way was ..MAN, I DON..T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT!.. And I fully understand where they..re coming from because.

MOST OF YOU OUT THERE ARE MEDIOCRE TALENTS AT BEST!
SOME OF YOU ARE COMPLETELY TALENTLESS!
AND A FEW OF YOU ARE VERY TALENTED BUT ARE COMPLETELY CLUELESS AS TO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET YOUR SHIT ROLLING IN THIS TOWN!

Ahhhhhh, that felt good getting that off of my chest.

Now that I..ve torn your asses down. Let me build you back up by telling you what you NEED to do!

FIRST AND FORMOST .. MASTER YOUR CRAFT

Be as good as you can possibly be at what you do because you..re out there competing with PERFECTIONISTS. Never be satisfied with your skill level always strive to do better. What I..ve noticed about the cats that I..ve met who are successful in this town, is that they..re never satisfied with what they can do. Show me a cat who..s satisfied with his skill and I..ll show you a cat who..s stopped growing.

SECOND .. MASTER YOUR FUCKING CRAFT!

This town is crawling with talent. Planeloads and busloads pour into town every day. There..s always someone smarter more talented and better looking than you out there. So when you get your shot make sure that you come with the thunder. Because the next cat very well may.

THIRD .. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

Find people who will give you an honest appraisal of your talents and not just tell you what you want to hear because they don..t want to hurt your feelings or they..re trying to fuck you. How do you know if they..re just telling what you want to hear? Well if people are telling you that you..re great and your career is going nowhere after 5 years or so, then they..re just telling you what you want to hear. How do you know that they..re trying to fuck you? If you..re an attractive woman and he..s not gay, he..s trying to fuck you!

FOURTH .. UNDERSTAND THE MARKETPLACE

That..s right, this is a marketplace and you are a commodity. You need to figure out where you fit in. Find your niche. Figure out what makes you different than everyone else out there and basically why in the hell should I hire you when I can hire this other person? --- ..Because I..m so goddamn talented and attractive?.. NO! Because I..m fresh new original different -- MARKETABLE!

FIFTH .. BE FOCUSED

Don..t be one of those Jack of all trade cats with the business cards that read ACTOR, SPOKES-MODEL, WRITER, DIRECTOR, WEB DESIGNER, DJ, CATERER, PERSONAL TRAINER, DOG WALKER. All that tells someone who..s ballin.. in the industry is that you..re not focused and you..re probably half assed at all of those jobs. If I need some cat to walk my dog I..m gonna hire the one with the card that says ..Dog Walker.. and nothing else.

SIXTH - WATCH THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

If you kick it with a grip of cats that have been struggling in Hollywood for the past ten years, and you..re all sitting around griping about, how such and such got that role and how such and such made that deal and they..re nowhere near as talented as me then you..re kickin.. it with LOSERS. You..re like that pack of nerds hanging out in the corner of the club wondering why all the hot chicks are going for all those assholes.

Meet, network and befriend people who are where you want to be. And be honest with them from the jump. Next thing you know you..re running in a circle of cats that are moving and shaking not sitting around and griping. And best of all you..re LEARNING from them what it takes to be successful.



*A SIDE NOTE TO THE LADIES*
Networking doesn..t mean ..starfucking... That rarely gets you where you need to be. For the most part it gets you a reputation that..s hard to live down. And every cat in the industry is gonna expect a toss in the hay from you when you come to audition for his joint. Although some actress, and I ain..t saying no names, have successfully fucked themselves to the top. It is imperative that if you do decide to go this route that You have mastered your craft in and out of the sack. I mean let..s be honest it. A highly skilled actress that will blow the director in his trailer has an edge over a merely skilled actress that wont... But for the most part leave the sex out of the game.


SEVENTH .. LEARN HOW TO MARKET YOURSELF

I can..t emphasize this enough. This is a town fueled by marketing and imagery. This is a town that likes to categorize everything and everyone in specific niches. A good manager is the one who is supposed to do this for you. But some of you don..t have good managers or mangers at all. So it..s up to you to SELL YOURSELF. Create the image of what you want to be. INVEST IN A FUCKING WEBSITE! If you can..t afford a website

TRICK OUT YOUR MYSPACE PAGE .. In this fast pace age people don..t.. have time to speculate if you have star potential from a headshot or resume or an audition alone. Zoot them out and email with a link and when they go to your page THEY SEE A FUCKING STAR! They see photos that look like a star. The see clips that show star quality acting, writing or directing. When they are at your sight they are ENTERTAINED .. as this is THE ENTERTAIMENT INDUSTRY. Headshot, and resumes.. get tossed in a pile with hundreds of others. BE CREATIVE .. BE DIFFERENT .. BE ENTERTAINING!

EIGHTH .. GET YOUR OWN SHIT GOING!

This one is probably as important as mastering your skill. Always have something going. Be it a short, a script, a play. Use those networking skill to get with other talented people and CREATE YOUR OWN PROJECTS. Get them out there in festivals and on the internet. EXPOSE YOURSELF. Get a fan base. Get reviews. Get articles written about you. Have an attitude of I don..t need Hollywood, Hollywood needs me.

NINTH .. YOU GOTTA GRIND

You gotta work your ass off because that..s who you..re competing with. People out there who are obsessed and focused. Don..t be lazy. Don..t wait for God Jesus, Allah, Buddah, or Vishnu to bless you with a Hollywood career. They..re busy with war, famine floods, football and the Grammies. So it may be a minute before they get around to you. Remember nothing good ever came easy. Don..t be that fat dude sitting in the corner of the gym praying for abs when he needs to be down there doing sit-ups.

Which leads me to my HELPFUL TIPS SECTION.

COURT HOLLYWOOD AS YOU WOULD A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

Because that..s what this industry is like to those trying to get in. Us on the inside see Hollywood as a pain-in-the ass demanding nag, who doesn..t put out nearly enough and won..t give us head. But we still lover her. (that..s another blog.)

Hollywood, like a beautiful desirable woman, is not impressed with cats fawning all over her. Begging and pleading her to ..please give me a chance... Hollywood knows she..s the shit and she knows you want what she has. What gets Hollywood all hot and bothered is what she CAN..T HAVE. Hollywood wants that cat that..s independent., that doesn..t need her, that has his own thing going on and is not impressed by her.

You have to have this attitude in your approach to this town. Confidence in your ability. But like those fake cats that know how to front like they..re the shit. A beautiful woman can quickly sniff out a poser. Hence my first note (Master your craft).

Here..s a scenario. After months you..ve finally gotten Jerry Bruckheimer..s company to look at your script. Jerry has you on hold. And you..re holding and holding. No one gets back to you and says. ..Sorry for the delay Jerry will be right with you... If you..re on hold more than THREE MINUTES .. hang up the fucking phone. That..s right HANG UP THE PHONE ON JERRY BRUCKHEIMER. Have a friend call back and say I..m sorry Bob had to run can he get back with Jerry tomorrow? Guarantee you will get a call back from Jerry the next day!

How do I know this? Because of the message you sent out. ..I don..t have time for this shit, I have other things to do... So if your shit was good enough to warrant a conversation with Jerry then your shit must be hot. If you hang up on Jerry, in their minds you must have just gotten a call from Joel Silver, or Arnold Kopelson.

This is the mentality of the town. You have to project the image that I..m the shit. What I have is the shit. Do you want in or not.

You can take this advice or not. What I..ve found is that generally it takes about five years to really get your career off the ground in Hollywood. If you..re still grinding after five years and you..ve made only a little progress, then you need to change your approach.

If you keep getting close. Your scripts get read, but not picked up. You get call-backs but never get the job. That means that you have skill but you need to take it up to the next level.

If you..ve been in this town over five years and things are the same as when you first got here. Take you monkey ass back home and find something else to do.

That..s it I..m out!
Good luck in your Hollywood career and don..t bother me unless you have money!

B. Ramz aka TENX